About Our Journey
It is my belief thaI horses have been placed on my soul and therfore into my life as a gift from Spirit. A gift that I hold dearly. I can go into an abandoned old barn and close my eyes and breathe in the smell of the hay and the horses that once occupied that space long ago and tears will come to my eyes. Being in their company holds me in a place that contains love, understanding, and a solid mindful presence. These powerful creatures know instinctively how to heal us if we are quiet enough to listen to their wisdom. And yet was I listening, really listening?
I started a deep reflection of my life about 5 years ago and realized I have had negative chatter in my head for as long as I can remember. I didn't want it and wasn't even aware how I obtained it but I was very sure I wanted it to stop.
Where did it come from? I wasn't born with it. I was beating myself up for choices I have made in my lifetime thus far. I harbored guilt and to be quite honest self hate at times would rear its ugly head. I am a very Spiritual person and through my yoga and mediatation I knew I needed to turn this around.
It wasn't until I was in a session with my coach and mentor Melisa Pearce and a horse she partners with that I was able to explore this inner negative chatter (my very own, personal BIG inner critic).
I needed to discover that there were reasons I elected to make the decisions that I did over the course of my life. Was I protecting myself? Was I willing to stay in a situation just because that was expected of me? Was I too young to say no? Was I even able to say no?
What I lacked was self compassion. I was missing the deep understanding of how to love and forgive myself for what I thought were bad mistakes I had made. We all are capable of poor judgement at times. No one is immune from it. So why was I so hard on myself?
In the company of that horse I felt no fingers being pointed at me, no shame placed on me, no judgement of what I was saying, none of that. Instead I felt the presence of this magnificent creature supporting me, loving me, understanding that I might be in pain and ashamed and that it was OK. He was there to help pull that negative energy from me. At that very point I began to feel the self compassion I so craved begin to seep in. The little red lotus flower (one of the many symbols for compassion) was being placed on my heart.
Self compassion is a muscle we need to build and nourish daily. By taking this gift and holding it firmly to our souls all the time day in and day out it is possible to soften that incessant inner chatter. And then have the gift to spread it out to those around us.
Now I see it, the horses in my life were telling me that if I could stand in a place of mindfulness, self compassion and love when in their presence then I could do the same whenever and wherever I was. Hadn't I noticed all the times that I spent with them that I felt better? They were healing me. I wasn't listening, but I am now.
I invite you to discover and nurture your self compassion with the assistance of horse+lotus.